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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788089">Love is a Disease and We’re Both Dying</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsofFreedom_Humanity/pseuds/WingsofFreedom_Humanity'>WingsofFreedom_Humanity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assault, Comfort, Hurt, Internalized Homophobia, Levi needs a therapist, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Stockholm Syndrome, Trans Fetish, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trans Male Character, Violence, Zeke doesn’t realize he’s gay, Zeke got issues, Zeke needs a therapist, trans fetishization</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:08:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsofFreedom_Humanity/pseuds/WingsofFreedom_Humanity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi doesn’t know what caused Zeke to panic at the sound of his ribs breaking, after all the bastard is the one that broke them. But his 180 turn in personality is something he wasn’t expecting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman/Zeke Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Also, Zeke’s little break down is going to further be elaborated on later on, it will make sense I promise.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            Levi had been there for what? A week? His body, ribs in particular, ached horrifically from the binding still secured around his chest. No one here knew he was trans, or could give his hormones, none of the Jaegerists knew, not Eren and certainly not Zeke, who was charged with looking after him. Levi felt utterly miserable as he sat there, blindfolded, arms tied up, gagged and utterly helpless in Zeke’s large tent. He sat in the dirt beside the tent pole, slouched against it and wanting some desperate release from the pain hammering away at him. It was later in the day, just at the cusp of evening and Levi could finally hear Zeke approaching the tent. His footsteps were heavy and angry sounding, making the short man tense, he was certainly worked up about <em>something</em>. Only moments after the snap of the tent flap sounded Levi was grabbed roughly by the cloak around his shoulders and thrown to the ground, making him grunt in pain.</p><p>            “Your people are making shit awfully fucking difficult for us as they’re so frantic to get their lovely Captain back. It’s pathetic how much they rely on you to do anything for them.” Zeke snarled, the complete opposite of the normally charismatic and calm man he was. Levi growled around the gag in response and kicked his leg out, landing a sharp jab to Zeke’s shin. Hanji and his squad weren’t frantic because of their reliance on Levi, they were frantic because they knew about him and they knew no one here did, and they didn’t know what would happen if they found out.</p><p>            Unfortunately for Levi, the kick was the last straw for Zeke that day and the blonde man turned his anger towards him in a fit of frustration and rage. Levi screamed around the gag as painful blow, after blow was landed onto his already aching, bruised body. His mind was blank except for the pain delivered in sharp kicks and punches to his body. Levi could physically feel the cracks in his ribs and his scream cut off into a gurgled cry that lowered into a moan, his breathing turning shallow and breathy. Yet he realized that Zeke had stopped, did he realize that maybe beating Levi to death was a bad idea? Maybe, but the blonde’s breathing turned from heavy with anger to deeper and yet frantic. What the hell was he doing? Levi could only speculate as he laid there shaking, taking shallow, harsh breaths.</p><p>            Suddenly Zeke was swearing and frantically searching the room before grabbing what he was looking for and he swiftly turned Levi on his back and yanked open the button down shirt. Levi could feel Zeke freezing at the sight of the bandages, he sounded like he was minutes away from some kind of break down.</p><p>            “Fuck, you never fucking said you were- Fuck, goddamnit Levi I- Fuck.” Zeke wedged the knife under the bandages and Levi had to wonder what the fuck it would have mattered if they knew or not, yet for some reason it heavily mattered to the man on top of him cutting away the binding. The pressure being released almost pushed Levi to tears of relief, and though he may not have cried, a low whimper escaped his throat. The gag disappeared from his mouth as well and Zeke was holding a water skin to his mouth and holding his head up. Levi didn’t even care at the moment where the sudden mood swing came from, he was thirsty and relieved to finally get some form of help.</p><p>            He felt Zeke move off his body while still holding his head up and pulling Levi’s smaller frame up against his. Levi could feel he was shirtless and feel the warmth radiating off his body and god it felt so damn good as he laid there shivering and drinking the water. He pushed his own body closer to the blonde who tightened his grip, supporting Levi’s body and finally pulling away the water. Zeke’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other was firmly secured around Levi’s hips, holding the shorter man close. Levi could hear his frantic heartbeat starting to slow and the sound began to lull him into an exhausted, relaxed state. The Captain was so thoroughly exhausted and the heat radiating off Zeke finally drove him into allowing his eyes to slide shut and slip into an unconscious state.</p><p>            “I need you to wake up now.” The words spoken quietly in his ear finally dragged Levi back awake, he was no longer on the ground as he was curled up in the cot with Zeke’s frame pressed firmly against his, keeping him warm. His hands had been retied in front of his chest and weren’t as tightly done so his arms were no longer numb, there was a cold compress wrapped around his ribs and he was wearing a thick, soft sweater much too large for his frame.</p><p>            “How long was I out for?” He huffed, he was still blindfolded, which annoyed him, but he could live with it for now if it meant he would continue to be treated better. Zeke hummed softly, laying his head on Levi’s shoulder, the gesture was strangely affectionate and yet Levi would gladly endure that over the violence and neglect.</p><p>            “The rest of the night, a doctor is coming to see you. I informed him of your condition and swore him to secrecy, please cooperate.” It was morning? That was certainly a shocking factor to Levi as he never slept through the entire night, and even more so that Zeke dragged a doctor all the way out here that he swore to secrecy. The complete 180 in behavior was throwing Levi off a bit, but in truth the Captain simply didn’t care all that much. He was tired and he was tired of constant violent fighting. He wanted rest, even if it meant resting with the enemy for a bit.</p><p>            Levi nodded and allowed Zeke to assist him in sitting up, right as the doctor came in. He didn’t protest, hell he hardly moved, as the doctor began examining him. There was a strange tension riding high in the air when the doctor lifted up the sweater to further examine Levi’s body and ribs. Like the man sitting behind him was ready to launch across the cot at the doctor if his hands did anything Zeke didn’t personally approve of. Levi wasn’t exactly sure why Zeke asked <em>him</em> to cooperate when he wasn’t the one sitting there twitching like a rabid animal about to attack.</p><p>            “Two broken ribs but, from what I can see, they’re healing at a rather incredible rate for someone human.” The doctor murmured in fascination, pressing his fingers against the dark bruises covering Levi’s pale skin, forcing Levi to hold back a yelp to avoid having to listen to Zeke rip the poor doctor apart. The short man ground his teeth together and kept his body relaxed for the rest of the exam before the doctor completely stood up and informed Zeke none of it would be permanent but Levi could not do binding for a bit and that he would be getting the hormones to the blonde very soon. Zeke thanked him before ushering him out and turning back to face Levi.</p><p>            “I can’t leave you in here the entire time alone, and I don’t need some immature brat trying to throw their weight around looking after you. Can I trust you to behave and be with me where I go during the day?” The question was honest and it blindsided Levi to hear that asked of him, and yet he knew he didn’t have a choice, he didn’t want to deal with some young recruit either. Slowly he nodded his head, as much as he wasn’t fond of the idea of following Zeke Jaeger around like a kicked puppy, what was he going to do? This was about survival at this point and if surviving meant sucking up to the blonde man, then Levi would do it in a heart beat. He wanted to survive and he wanted to do it in one piece without causing any more physical trauma to himself. Zeke seemed pleased with that answer as he walked over and pulled the blindfold off Levi’s eyes, making the short man wince at the sudden onslaught of light and colors.</p><p>            “Mm, I never realized how pretty you are.” Zeke murmured making Levi twitch as his jaw was gripped tightly by the other man, forcing him to keep still. And yet Levi still shifted his gaze sideways to hide the anger and embarrassment in his eyes as Zeke looked over him like he was some kind of prized animal.</p><p>            “You have such a pretty contrast to you. Soft, pale skin but such dark hair, pretty pink lips and pale eyes. Such sharp features too, you don’t look over 20 and I bet you would have made such a pretty girl.” Zeke forcefully tilted Levi’s head to the side as he talked and the older man felt his heart ramming and heat coloring his cheeks. Levi couldn’t decide if he was more angry or embarrassed at Zeke’s words. Yet he didn’t get the chance to snap something back as his face was quickly released and Zeke backed away, saying they needed to get started for the day. Levi was shaking with humiliation as the blonde’s words rang loudly in his ears as he followed him out of the tent. He didn’t have the fucking right to say those things and certainly didn’t have the right to make Levi feel this way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How did it come to this? Where had these feelings come from? Why him? Levi didn’t know.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            Levi left the tent following after Zeke, his hands still bound in front of him for which he was grateful that no one could see them shaking in rage. Every part of him wanted to beat Zeke’s face in for those comments and yet he wasn’t stupid enough to turn against the only possible ally he had. So many had turned their eyes to watch in shock as the Captain strolled close to the other man, expressions a mix of confusion, shock, rage, and it was satisfying to Levi. He listened to Zeke talking as they walked to the horses, they, apparently, had some errands to run that day. Mostly easier ones as with the hellish day he had yesterday, Eren had offered Zeke a much easier week. Fine with him, if he just had to follow after the blonde while they road around the countryside then it was nothing new and he’d done it a thousand times. Preparing to mount up Levi hooked his bound hands around the saddle horn and pulled himself up, swinging over and mounting despite the screaming pain in his ribs. He wasn’t going to be seen as so weak he was incapable of mounting a horse. Glancing over, he realized Zeke was smiling, the bastard was smiling with such a fond look on his face. It took Levi off guard and he blinked several times before looking away, remembering how the blonde had just been in his tent, whispering backhanded compliments.</p><p>            “Come on, we have shit to do, don’t we?” Levi huffed and Zeke agreed, the two of them turning their horses, with several of the Jaegerists wishing Zeke a safe day, putting extra emphasis on his safe return. It pleased him to know they were still scared of him and with that, Levi nudged his horse forward and took off after the blonde man.</p><p>            The errands themselves weren’t much, gathering supplies for the camp including wood, water, and food. And Zeke insisted Levi only do the lightest of the work so that he would heal properly, and it should have annoyed him. It should have dug deeper under his skin than it did, he chalked it up to simply being too tired to be annoyed. That was all it. Yet there was an odd sense of tranquility as the two rode through the countryside gathering things. Levi turned his eyes towards Zeke, watching him dragging the wood from under the brush, the sweat dripping down his skin. He could feel his heart rate beginning to pick up, forcing his eyes away he ground his teeth. What was this? Just yesterday he was being beat to hell by Zeke and today what? What the hell was this attraction? It was sick and he knew it. But would it really be so bad if no one knew about it?</p><p>            “Fuck-“ The soft hiss of pain caught his attention and dragged him out of his filthy thoughts. Levi huffed and dismounted swiftly, walking over to Zeke to see the cut on his arm dripping down blood.</p><p>            “Idiot.” Levi huffed, holding up the edge of his sweater to wipe away the blood, despite how much it disgusted him to have to continue to wear it after. Zeke’s hand gently closed around the man’s wrist to stop his actions and Levi glanced up to see the amused smile on the blonde’s face. And it dawned on him, Zeke was already healed. How could he forget that? Levi parted his lips to snap something back to cover himself but was cut off by a low, rumbling growl in the bushes right near. He knew that sound. Once more his instincts kicked in, like he was protecting some young, dumb cadet instead of a powerful titan shifter. Levi snagged the hunting knife off Zeke’s belt but that was as far as he got before the animal lunged out of the bushes, forcing the two apart to save themselves from the vicious claws. The young bear roared with the rage of arrogant youth and spun to go after Zeke.</p><p>            “No you don’t.” Levi hissed, turning the knife to cut his bonds before lunging up, adrenaline making him forget his healing injuries as he ran to intercede. Zeke’s blood had already splashed against the ground and he had to rationalize that he wasn’t shifting because he didn’t want to give away their position. Either way Levi hit the ground, skidding underneath the animal and gashing it’s ankles before coming up in front of it, slashing at its face and driving it back. Levi had managed to hit an eye and the animal’s roar turned to a wail and it backed off further, pawing at its own face and shaking its head. It was enough to get the young bear to retreat into the woods.</p><p>            “Are you alright?” He huffed out, finally feeling the consequences of his actions as he knelt beside the blonde. The slashes across his chest were swiftly knitting together and it was a sight he would never get used to. Levi offered his hand to Zeke who took it but as he moved upward he pushed his weight forward, grabbing Levi’s other wrist and pinning him on his back, staring intently down at the shorter man underneath him.</p><p>            “Why?” The question rang so loudly in Levi’s ears that the only thing louder was the hammering of his heart. Why? Why had he done that? And his mind wandered back to the filthy, sick thoughts and his breathing got heavier.</p><p>            “Because I-…I didn’t want it to kill you.” He replied back through clenched teeth, hoping that answer would be sufficient enough, but was it ever for Zeke Jaeger?</p><p>            “Why? So you could kill me yourself?” His voice was sharp, accusatory which shot hot fire of frustration and distress through Levi’s chest.</p><p>            “I hate you, I hate you so fucking much but I-“ A broken laugh left his lips and he smacked his head back against the grass. “-All I can think about is when you ran your hands over me and held me all goddamn night and fucking hell I want it. I want you to be the last thing that I fall asleep to and the first thing I feel and I hate you for it. I-“ Levi’s breathing was heavy as he stared up at the red and purple sky of the sunset, refusing to even look at the blonde. He could feel an acute burning in his eyes and constriction in his throat.</p><p>            <em>No, he was not going to cry in front of Zeke fucking Jaeger</em>, was all he could cling to in his thoughts to try and keep his sanity. He couldn’t believe he had just said any of that, that he had allowed those thoughts loose from his mind. It had quite the effect on the man on top of him though as Levi’s face was jerked down roughly by his chin and their mouths collided in a rough, desperate kiss. Levi groaned low in his throat, his now free hand reaching up to tightly tangle in Zeke’s thick, blonde hair. This only further encouraged Zeke whose hand roughly yanked the sweater up to start groping at Levi’s body. If Levi’s mind had been anymore clouded then he would have missed the sound of hoof beats through the ground.</p><p>            “Wait-!” He gasped through the desperate kiss and the two swiftly pulled apart, much to Zeke’s displeasure as he heard the horses approaching now was well. Levi forced himself up right before stumbling up to his feet, heart ramming like an angry animal against his rib cage. What had just happened? He didn’t have time to answer his own thoughts as some of the Jaegerists came over the hill, apparently concerned as the two had been gone quite a while. There was quite the rise in commotion as Zeke told them what happened and Levi found himself sinking further into his own confusing and frustrating thoughts and feelings as he remounted and was given hesitant thankings from the Jaegerists. The ride back was silent and yet he could still feel Zeke’s lingering touch on his body and mouth.</p><p>            After arriving back at camp the news spread like a wildfire, but Levi was at least grateful the blonde man had enough mercy on him to herd him swiftly into the tent they were now sharing to avoid the loud commotions. Back inside Zeke made Levi sit to look back over his body to make sure he was still healing before promptly handing the hunting knife back to him.</p><p>            “I need someone I can trust watching my back.” The words felt like a sucker punch to his stomach, and yet he gripped the knife in his hand, staring down at the blade. So, this was what it had come to then? What happened? How did it change so fast? He didn’t have an answer for himself, and it angered him that he didn’t.</p>
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